Blinding Silence
by a-little-short-of-a-fairytale
Summary: Dan and Phil adopt a young child named Dil. Dan is blind and unable to see his new son. Unfortunately, Dil is mute, and unable to talk to his new Father.


Dan and Phil had always wanted to be parents. They had agreed from the very beginning of their relationship that they would one day settle down and have a child, whether that be in a couple of years, or when they were in their thirties. Because of YouTube, and Radio 1, they'd never had the kind of lifestyle that would fit raising a child. They didn't want their child to grow up in the limelight, or plagued by eager fans.  
For this reason, they had come out to their fans in 2015, knowing that it would be a while yet before they thought about children. This meant that by the time they were thinking about being parents, the gossip, speculation and general excitement of their coming out had died down. It wasn't a big deal anymore.  
Finally, following their marriage in 2022, they felt ready to temporarily put their careers on hold and bring a small human into their home. They moved out of their apartment and into a house with four bedrooms; one for them, their child, a guest room, and an office.  
After long consideration, they had both agreed that surrogacy wasn't an option, as they wanted the child to be equally theirs, and not just entirely biologically one of them. This meant that they decided to go down the adoption route, and after many months of criminal record checks and home checks, they were finally approved to be parents. The process had been so long. Tears had been shed and arguments had been fought, but throughout it all, Dan had always been there for Phil and Phil had always been there for Dan.

It took 15 months in total, before they received a call from Central London Children's Services regarding a possible adoption. Dan answered the phone, and was overjoyed when he was told that he and Phil would have an appointment to go through the details the following week. As soon as he put the phone down, he called out for Phil. Dan wasn't yet comfortable with finding his way around. It wasn't because it was a big house, or that it was complicated…ever since birth, Dan had been blind. He saw very little. He couldn't write very well, and he couldn't read at all. He could only just make out colours, and outlines of people, not their features. For example, he knew that his Husband had black hair, and was around 6ft, but he couldn't see the colour of his eyes, or the way his tongue stuck out when he laughed. His vision was currently irreparable, though opticians had assured him that they were extremely close to a breakthrough that could affect people with his diagnosis. Though he saw more than darkness, he was still registered blind.

"PHIL!" Dan shouted. When he received no response, he began to stumble up the stairs, tripping on the top step and falling onto the hallway, where Phil was rushing towards him.  
"Dan! What did I say about trying to do it yourself?!" Phil giggled, pulling Dan to his feet. "You don't know this house well enough yet."  
Dan shrugged and laughed. "But Phil! Social Services called! We have an appointment next Friday! They have a child in mind for us to adopt!"  
Phil gasped, and pulled Dan close. "Oh my God!"  
"I know, right?" Dan breathed, inhaling the sweet scent of Phil's aftershave, nuzzling into his neck. "It's finally happening." As Dan pulled away, he felt Phil's soft skin against his hand. He grasped his fingers and allowed Phil to guide him back downstairs. Phil handed Dan his shoes and put them the right way around so that Dan would be able to put them on the right feet. He then put on his own shoes and chose a black coat for Dan to wear, and his galaxy hoodie for him to wear.  
"Where are we going?" Dan asked, puzzled.  
"Hampstead Heath, to celebrate. We can take a bottle of wine, and I'll make up a picnic," Phil replied, smiling. He knew it was Dan's favourite place in London, because it wasn't busy so people wouldn't bump into him, and it didn't require sight to enjoy every aspect of the environment. He and his Husband had spent many days in the beautiful park, enjoying each other's company silently. It was where they would go if they'd had a particularly stressful day, or in this case, to celebrate. Dan loved the freshness of the air at the highest point, and the soft tweeting of the birds. Sometimes, he and Phil would go there late at night and lie there in the dark. If it was a clear night, Phil would describe the formations of the stars, whilst Dan snuggled into him. When Dan couldn't picture it, he would trace it onto his hands to describe the shapes. Nothing made Phil happier than being with Dan, and to finally have a child with him was the best news in the world.

…

"I wonder what they're called," Dan said, as he and Phil lay under the stars that night. "It's just…so perfect. We're going to be parents, Phil."  
Phil snuggled into Dan's shoulder and wrapped his arm around his body. "Yes…"  
"Are you nervous?" Dan asked. He knew that _he w_ as.  
"A little," Phil replied. "What if I'm a rubbish parent? What if they get bullied at school for having gay parents?"  
Dan groaned slightly. "Yeah…but it's 2022…surely people don't still do that?"  
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I am so excited Dan, but I can't even keep our houseplants alive."  
The pair lay in silence for a few minutes, Phil tracing little circles onto Dan's hand. He lay his head onto Dan's chest and starting stroking his neck gently. Dan hated people touching his neck, but not Phil. When Phil did this, it was soothing.  
"I'll never be able to read them bedtime stories, or take them to school on my own. I'll never be able to see their first tooth fall out, or their first steps," Dan voiced softly. He'd been very fearful ever since the phone call…scared that his blindness would hinder his parenting skills. He had so much to give, and he wanted his child to have the best possible life, but he was so unsure of how he could possibly be a part of it when he couldn't even climb the stairs.  
"You'll hear their first word. You'll hear them acting out stories with their toys. You'll be able to hold them close at night when they cry, and sing softly to them until they fall back asleep. Dan…being a Dad isn't about all that stuff. It's about loving your child to no end. It's about putting your needs before them, and always supporting them throughout life. It doesn't matter if you can't fucking read. What matters, is me, you, and this small child, are going to be a family," Phil whispered, running his fingers through Dan's hair. "I will describe exactly how they look…each little crease and dimple. I'll help you learn to bathe them safely, and I'll teach you to dress them. Hell, I'll help you memorize a book if that's what you want. I love you, Dan, and I am _not_ going to let you miss out on our child's life…no matter what." Phil entwined his pinky finger with Dan's, and they both knew what that meant. _I promise._


End file.
